The First Month of 2022

Hi there! We've just finished the first month of the year. January was tough, wasn't it?

I tried to write last month just to make myself feel that I'm still gainful but it all end up with ellipsis... I don't have any words to say but a lot of thoughts rumbling inside my head.

Maybe the year started overwhelming. I have to deal with covid, been there done that, self isolation is not a big deal but being a breadwinner who temporarily no work no pay during the situation was huge for me. I have to maximize my finances beyond the typical survival days. To be honest I enjoyed the time that I'm not reporting at work. There was a peace inside that only me could appreciate. When I'm finally cleared and about to go back to work, my peace falls into pieces. I'm thankful I still got a job to go back on but my mental health undeniably was all ruined. Got a lot of episodes of anxiety in just a week. I do really wanted to submit my resignation letter for I know that I'm all messed up, but thinking about daily bread and how we will be for tomorrow hindered the single paper that would set me free.

Sometimes, I feel that no matter how hard you carry everyone, at the end of the day you'll still be alone facing all the hard times. There's no one to save you from the battle inside and you have to fight alone. It's lonely and painful in the dark.

Anyway, am I too early to give up the year? I'm sorry for the random musings. I knew this isn't going anywhere. After all I've shared here, I'm still sluggish.

When will I be able to get out from being lifeless? Haha anyhow, I would like to share that despite all this I'm doing little things to help myself to go back in my element. I've got a bit of happiness when I started my mini vlog diary in tiktok. It pushes me to give time on things I wanted to do so I could document it in more or less than a minute.

Also, there was one Saturday that I am able to go to the beach and calmed my soul and a weekend of food trip, those foods I crave.

Though I'm sleep deprived and panic attacks happened frequently, I'm well pleased with how I tried my best to cope up just to keep myself sane.

So I guess that's all for now.