To the one who inspires me to pray for a better man.

The world is celebrating your day.

Early this morning, I knocked on your room to tell you my greetings personally, quitting the heartfelt long narrative entry I used to post in my social medias just like everyone did on this special day.

Less the post, the picture and the touching words; it doesn't mean that I am not grateful for having you. I truly am. 

I grew up admiring you. Wishing I could marry the same man who is my first love and blessed my future children with a man who will sacrifice a lot just to give them a better life.

I kept all your advices. I brought all your words with me until now as my light wherever I go. Because to me, you're the one leading us to the right path, our protection and safest place, as they called it, our hero.

But growing up is not exciting as it is. The older you get, the more you'll know about the truths around you. The actuality that unfold and molds you as a person you are today. 

It hurts that I am not that same little girl anymore. Those words I treasure when I was young became questionable. Out of the people in the roof, it is me to consider who knew you better right now.

I saw your love

I saw your pain

and I saw your truth.

But none of it will make me love you less.

It's painful that you became my first heartbreak. It's traumatic. It's unbearable but I was left with no choice but to endure it. Because even I wanted to run away, my love is stronger and that's how I survive your truths. That's how WE survived your reality. 

I missed that little girl who sparks eyes admiring you for your words of wisdom to his children while slurping delicious pares soup in the corner sidewalk. The promised she made herself to marry a boy like you is gone forever.

I knew what it feels like, to be hugged yet felt betrayed. Still, you inspire me the other way around. I'll promise that little girl to cut the history from here. I'll pray harder for a better man. I'll do my best that the one I will marry will build a house with me and will keep it as our home.