My worn out heart at midnight
This is my reality. I know I shouldn't be but I'm jealous of those people my age who have it all figured it out already while I am not. I'm still circling the same path and lost in unknown direction. Funny and pityful at the same time that I can't figure it all out. Its the same puzzle for years.
Maybe I'm worn out crying in the midnight blaming myself for not being good enough and bombarded by so many questions and thoughts about life. MY life.
Maybe I'm too tired browsing my social medias that cause me to silently compare myself with friends who do great deals in their lives while I'm living paycheck to paycheck and waiting for Fridays and paydays so just I could give myself a little treat for surviving the week.
I can't really figure it out. I don't know what's missing with me when I'm giving so much.
I'm in my late twenties and I hate the fact that now that I'm older I can't untangle what I really want in life or to tell what's my plan? What's my goal?
Some days I'm too passionate and thought this is what I wanted and I'll head towards the path for that dream enthusiastically only to hit rock bottom again. It's frustrating that after all the excitement and efforts that you poured out for that something you thought was meant for you, is not really for you.
I know that I'm not the only one feeling the same thing but I envy those people who can accept what they have right now. I meet people everyday and I know that most of them is not living the life they dreamed of as well but I can tell that they are genuinely happy and I'm jealous that they are contented and "living" their life as it is.
I have so much of hopes and dreams when I was young, maybe I don't want my little self to be disappointed with what I'm getting right now. I just hope that if it's not for me I will have the courage to accept things with an open heart and still be able to see the beauty in life even the stars will not align with me.
I just hope that what's mine will be mine and I'll see myself filled with happiness soon.
Maybe I'm worn out crying in the midnight blaming myself for not being good enough and bombarded by so many questions and thoughts about life. MY life.
Maybe I'm too tired browsing my social medias that cause me to silently compare myself with friends who do great deals in their lives while I'm living paycheck to paycheck and waiting for Fridays and paydays so just I could give myself a little treat for surviving the week.
I can't really figure it out. I don't know what's missing with me when I'm giving so much.
I'm in my late twenties and I hate the fact that now that I'm older I can't untangle what I really want in life or to tell what's my plan? What's my goal?
Some days I'm too passionate and thought this is what I wanted and I'll head towards the path for that dream enthusiastically only to hit rock bottom again. It's frustrating that after all the excitement and efforts that you poured out for that something you thought was meant for you, is not really for you.
I know that I'm not the only one feeling the same thing but I envy those people who can accept what they have right now. I meet people everyday and I know that most of them is not living the life they dreamed of as well but I can tell that they are genuinely happy and I'm jealous that they are contented and "living" their life as it is.
I have so much of hopes and dreams when I was young, maybe I don't want my little self to be disappointed with what I'm getting right now. I just hope that if it's not for me I will have the courage to accept things with an open heart and still be able to see the beauty in life even the stars will not align with me.
I just hope that what's mine will be mine and I'll see myself filled with happiness soon.
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